Lacking libido – not just a female problem

A troubled wife calls some sex therapist about her sex life having taken a rather noticeable nosedive. She’s famished for the steamy sex they used to have. Tables have turned. He is the one with the ‘headache’.

A dude who doesn’t want some … you must be sh**ing me! Now this is what I call some major shift in bedroom dynamics … women are finally talking about a problem their spouses would rather keep locked up in the closet – diminished libido for men under 40, both single and married. According to some studies, it’s trickling down to college going men, with one-forth facing performance problems.

Brian Zamboni, a different therapist with the Human Sexuality program at the University of Minnesota, also admits to having seen a “significant and steady stream” of new male clients, between the ages of 20 to 35, in the past five years.

A new book on low sexual desire among men ‘America’s best-kept secret’ features men sharing frustration and confusion. This is from a guy seeking advice from a medical column; “Yes, I’m 25 and I have a sexual dysfunction already…I don’t have erections in the morning anymore. I must sleep first to have sex later. Why is this happening to a healthy guy like me?”

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And the thing is, this don’t always affect men alone. Their spouses feel it too. Check this one out: “This morning, I was once more rejected and I started to cry because it’s getting to me,” writes a woman on the ‘Mismatched Libidos’message board, specifically for people in their 20s and 30s. “I feel ugly, I feel fat,” she finishes.

One of the female writers recalls her husband telling her years ago that she shouldn’t lose her incredible sexual appetite especially when they get kids. Two kids and 10 years later, the woman isn’t the one who lost that appetite. Dude has. And its always excuse after excuse.

There has always been the myth that men always want sex. But with the contrary being aired in public, this kinda silences the other fiction that women never want sex.

Big Q: Is it that women suddenly have increased confidence in – and demand for – sexual pleasure and intimacy that is forcing this issue into the open or is it an issue that has always been there? Do women suddenly have heightened sexual desires or is it the men? And why now? Should we blame porn?